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dancing_moonWe went to the cinema last week, on Thursday to be more exact. We... which in this case, I should probably mention, means the Danish girl and other Swedish girl from the language class. We're a trio of easily amused, often dirty-minded Scandinavians, who have begun making themselves known as "Snusktanterna" among the ERASMUS students of Berlin and are working (in co-operation with the He-of-the-posh-accent AKA one of the British guys (seriously, poshest accent ever!) to spread the Swedish word Snusk (Dirty) to as many people as possible during this year.
Anyway! We were originally planning to watch the highbrow masterpiece Cowboys & Aliens, but, due to it only being shown in dubbed form, decided to skip that for now. Von Trier's Melancholia was under discussion but I (foolishly, it turned out) vetoed it due to 1) Von Trier and 2) dying woman, meh. Then we talked about something with piano playing kids on the poster, finally settling for a Dutch movie only one of us had heard something about. This movie also contained a dying woman; it's allegedly all about this woman dying in cancer. But at least we all hoped that the dubbing would be more tolerable, seeing as how we're not used to watching Dutch movies and also, it was starting in 20 minutes and we didn't feel like waiting.
So. In we go. The trailers start running and I tell you, completely without irony, that they were the best part of the whole thing (especially Hotel Lux, as I have a sentimental fondness for Michael Bully's comedies).
What followed where two hours of horrible acting, awful soundtrack, too many pointless MTV cuts and a main character so unappealing I hoped he'd catch his wife's cancer and die. Preferably within the first 10 minutes, please. There was also enough nudity (mostly female, though we got to see more of the lead male's ass than I'd ever wished) to make a soft-core pornflick, though considering how boring the sex was, I don't think it would've been much of a hit. Oh, except the scene where they run around in a wheat field, naked, calling each other with bird pipes - that one surpasses boring and goes straight into WTF?
The title of the movie, btw, is Komt een vrouw bij de dokter in Dutch, Love-Life in German, Stricken in English and apparantly En sorts kärlek in Swedish... Maybe they thought if they swapped the title enough times, some day it would turn into a good movie?
Our alternate taglines were:
A movie for asshole men: Don't worry if she dies of cancer, you can keep on fuckin' around!
&
Maybe she's dying from it - maybe it's Maybelline! This
due to the way the post-chemotherapy woman wakes up after a night of partying in a hotel with her perfect mascara and eyeliner on her perfect, pretty face. Sssyeeeahright. She also loses all head hair, but keeps eyebrows and lashes. Superglue?
The plot is simple: Two seriously rich people marry and are happy, but he "needs" to sleep around. So he does. She gets cancer, he angsts about it and gets a permanent lover. She dies, he keeps on being rich and is probably still sleeping around. Oh, and they have a daughter, but she's got the personality and is apparantly treated much like one of Paris Hilton's chihuahuas so never mind her.
What I only found out afterwards is that it's apparantly based on a book based on a true story. Because rich guys writing about their dying wives whom they can't be faithful to, is apparantly exactly what the literary world needs more of!
There's a silver lining to everything, though and in this case it was Apfelschorle. Or rather the realization of exactly how huge a "large" cup of soda is in German cinemas and that I totally can't order one of those unless I expect a movie where it doesn't matter if I have to powder my nose halfway through. We also discovered that the salsa dip (to the nacho chips) was far beneath our standards, while the cheese dip surprised in tastiness.
Anyway! We were originally planning to watch the highbrow masterpiece Cowboys & Aliens, but, due to it only being shown in dubbed form, decided to skip that for now. Von Trier's Melancholia was under discussion but I (foolishly, it turned out) vetoed it due to 1) Von Trier and 2) dying woman, meh. Then we talked about something with piano playing kids on the poster, finally settling for a Dutch movie only one of us had heard something about. This movie also contained a dying woman; it's allegedly all about this woman dying in cancer. But at least we all hoped that the dubbing would be more tolerable, seeing as how we're not used to watching Dutch movies and also, it was starting in 20 minutes and we didn't feel like waiting.
So. In we go. The trailers start running and I tell you, completely without irony, that they were the best part of the whole thing (especially Hotel Lux, as I have a sentimental fondness for Michael Bully's comedies).
What followed where two hours of horrible acting, awful soundtrack, too many pointless MTV cuts and a main character so unappealing I hoped he'd catch his wife's cancer and die. Preferably within the first 10 minutes, please. There was also enough nudity (mostly female, though we got to see more of the lead male's ass than I'd ever wished) to make a soft-core pornflick, though considering how boring the sex was, I don't think it would've been much of a hit. Oh, except the scene where they run around in a wheat field, naked, calling each other with bird pipes - that one surpasses boring and goes straight into WTF?
The title of the movie, btw, is Komt een vrouw bij de dokter in Dutch, Love-Life in German, Stricken in English and apparantly En sorts kärlek in Swedish... Maybe they thought if they swapped the title enough times, some day it would turn into a good movie?
Our alternate taglines were:
A movie for asshole men: Don't worry if she dies of cancer, you can keep on fuckin' around!
&
Maybe she's dying from it - maybe it's Maybelline! This
due to the way the post-chemotherapy woman wakes up after a night of partying in a hotel with her perfect mascara and eyeliner on her perfect, pretty face. Sssyeeeahright. She also loses all head hair, but keeps eyebrows and lashes. Superglue?
The plot is simple: Two seriously rich people marry and are happy, but he "needs" to sleep around. So he does. She gets cancer, he angsts about it and gets a permanent lover. She dies, he keeps on being rich and is probably still sleeping around. Oh, and they have a daughter, but she's got the personality and is apparantly treated much like one of Paris Hilton's chihuahuas so never mind her.
What I only found out afterwards is that it's apparantly based on a book based on a true story. Because rich guys writing about their dying wives whom they can't be faithful to, is apparantly exactly what the literary world needs more of!
There's a silver lining to everything, though and in this case it was Apfelschorle. Or rather the realization of exactly how huge a "large" cup of soda is in German cinemas and that I totally can't order one of those unless I expect a movie where it doesn't matter if I have to powder my nose halfway through. We also discovered that the salsa dip (to the nacho chips) was far beneath our standards, while the cheese dip surprised in tastiness.
