The Garden of Discordia

Gosh, so tired. Just gotta get this off my chest, then I need a nap!

Today began horribly but ended with a partial triumph!

Yesterday, I discovered two very AUGH-worthy things re my university classes.
( My mistake and their rescheduling equals panic )

The third yay is not really related to my university stay here, but is about my bachelor and general geekery
While listening to a rather boring lecture (not from the topic, but we had a guest lecturer who spoke at a super-rapid, low monotone in a rather echoing classroom and my brain just couldn't handle the effort of trying to listen) I began thinking of my bachelor essay, which I will begin to work on here in Germany. My last essay was for Sailor Moon and the role of the female hero. While the topic I worked with there was one I wouldn't mind returning to, I didn't really feel like doing it for the bachelor essay. Two reasons Firstly, I'd rather wait until the new English edition is out, because it was tricky to switch editions like I had to do. Second, all the literature regarding female heroes is apparantly crap (or I just fail at searching for it) and if I'm going to do some kind of meta-critical analysis of my theory books too I should either split it into two essays or I'll nead a heck of lot more pages than a bachelor essay gives me. Also, variety is good for you, or something, and since I already knew I want to write about something with a gender focus I might as well switch canons.

Anyway. In class, half dozing and doodling names of mahou shoujo manga in some vague notion that I could always compare the female portraits in general (Sailor Moon kicks Tokyo MewMew's ass might not be an approved thesis, but it's one I fully stand behind) or go the safe old route of body-shape analysis, I am suddenly hit with a lightningbolt of inspiration. CLAMP. I like them. A lot. They have a large enough body of work, which can be grouped in various ways, that it makes sense to compare their different series with each other along a given cross-section. Question is just which aspect to poke at...

Their female portraits are varied but I have a hunch - and this really is just a hunch, not to mention I've slept like five hours tonight! - that there portrayal of women complicated. CLAMP's got a very unique moral view, not just compared to Western media, but also to many other manga and there's bound to be something worth poking at there. So I'm writing down interesting points of attack; narratological analysis of female agency, image analysis of male vs. female protagonists, eye-poking-and-sacrificial-death-!

That's when it hit me.

Suicide.

Unless there turns out to already exist a fantastic essay about the theme, I'll ask my teachers (once they're back from the holidays) if I might write an essay analyzing the motif of chosen suicide* in chosen manga from CLAMP. Probably along the lines of gendered differences (are there any and what) and narrative outcome of the suicide (what happens in the story because of this?); though the latter perhaps only for one or two examples.

There's literature on the theme, I know that much, and since the topic is more narrow than "function of the heroine in a superhero story. which btw has nine superheroines", I can also juggle more canons without getting completely swamped in plot retelling.

CLAMP manga with Meaningful Voluntary Suicide that I remember from the top of my head is, uhm, worryingly long. And, also from memory, I can already group them in four categories 0.o
( Death-spoilers for RG Veda, Tokyo Babylon, X, Magic Knight Rayearth, Clover )

I think this could be really interesting to do ^_^ If someone has meta-thoughts on my rambling little rant, please share! I need to go through all my CLAMP canons carefully looking for more cases, as well as check up on the ones that I only remember vaguely. I also have no idea what outcome I'll get, so that is interesting too.

Hopefully my teachers agree...a

*chosen suicide here is my own, made-up-just-now, term for a narratively active suicidal act. It basically has no counterpoint in the real world, because there a Hero/in sacrificing themselves won't save the world from blowing up.

I was gonna buy a ticket to some little multi-band "Tribute to Die Ärzte" event her in Berlin, sounded fun. And so I check out the Badeimster page to see if there's anything official about it, they list DÄ parties and whatnot sometimes

And what do I see? DIE ÄRZTE HAVE ANNOUNCED A NEW TOUR FOR 2012!!! With ticket sales starting in 2 days

*makes whimpering noises at the thought of almost having missed this*

For those readers now confused, Die Ärzte (die beste band der welt ♥) are a German punk-rock band that I've been a great fan of for ten years now* and they always have GREAT concerts. And the Berlin concerts in particular tend to sell out in 0.2 seconds or something like that.

Well. We can't have that, so at midnight on the appropriate date I'll be F5-ing my computer like mad.

But! There is a cloud on the sky - my debit card was refused when I tried to buy the "tribute to DÄ" ticket, for unclear reasons. There's money in the account and my login works spiffily... but I think that because the German website isn't equipped for our fucking Swedish credit card e-security measures, the bank refused the transfer. Can't have that >_> If worst comes to worst, I'll ask my sister or someone to buy the tickets from Sweden and just fork over the money, but first I'll try to solve it here. Deutsche Bank apparantly has offices in Sweden too, so after my visit to Burgeramt, off I go to see if I can get a EC-card. Hopefully, those work online. Or I'll just have to pay for a credit card too, I need to be able to order online tickets and stuff!

But still...

OMG DIE ÄRZTE ARE TOURING WHILE I'M IN GERMANY YAY YAY YAY!!!!

*It was slightly odd to realize that, since it is now exactly ten years since 9/11 and I sat in a living room in Erkner watching what happened on the screens, that means it's been ten years since my first time living in Germany

So after BLYG I directly lose my purse, without the wallet in but with the passport. And then my damn internet breaks down and things keep going to crap

Internet seems to be up now *knocks on wood* and new passport has been requested. But time, I have not. At least I used yesterday's netlessness to get a good 18 hours of sleep in.

Today I have:

- Been to work to pick up the USB stick with the latest copy of my essay which I bloody forgot in the computer those fifteen minutes of editing on the break were so not worth it
- Finished and handed in said essay \o/
- Picked up my mini-essay exam that has been corrected (I can not read One Single Word one of the teachers have written. Except the grade....)
- Filled in and got a signature on my ERASMUS Learning Agreement, which I need to get mah moniez for Germany
- Tweeted about BLYG stuff twice and answered some questions
- Bought food for dinner tonight

All this on something like for hours of sleep. And tonight dear Miko-chan is coming, and lanjelin and sambo are invited for dinner

What can I say? BANZAI!!!!

I appear to work well under stress =D

Why am I even awake at the ridiculous hour of 09:43 (and I got up at 08:27 what is wrong with my life). Especially considering that I've slept an average of five hours a night these last days? Right, because stress makes you distracted and you managed to lock yourself out of your apartment and had to go from lanjelin's to the parents. Preferably before they leave for the airport and you can't get in there either...

Moving on!

First I shall have to cut for ( incoherent and Doctor Who spoilerish squee )

Then Eurovision, which we just caught the tail-end of. Third place, go us!* Victory for Azerbadjan, most heartfelt congratulations <3 I really know nothing of that country, so I hope I'll learn a bit (even if it's bound to be very fluffy) when the media spotlight goes to them next year. And the winning artists looked so damn happy that was very sweet.
But I thought the male commenter for SVT made a rather grumpy comment just at the end (can't recall the exact wording now). "Ogin" is the word in Swedish I think of which I just felt was uncalled for. They won, look at them being all teary with joy, and at least little ego-boy Sade brought us a third place (so please stop sending pale blond slips of women without scene presence it won't work. And, as good as our opera singer could sing, a Eurovision winner needs a refrain you can hum along with which her song did not contain)

* In Sweden, Eurovision is very srz bznz

We also had an epic planning, scheduling and brainstorming session for BLYG yesterday, that might deserve a post of its own. We've got a pretty packed con, if I may say so myself and there's like 2 areas which we haven't added any info on yet *_*

Oh, right, and I fixed stuff for the apartment with my future tenants. And also got some much-needed cleaning done, yayness

In conclusion: The intense and lovely SPX weekend was followed by a most dismal and week I wish wouldn't have existed - on all levels, really. Fails heaping up with organizing stuff, lack of time and energy to study, family drama and even work sucked in more ways than one. And now, spiffy weekend again. Since it's a bit more low-key than last week, that makes me hope that if the pattern holds, any potential suck of the comming work week will also be less intense. Please?

Guh. I've tried to sleep more and eat better, but these damn dizzy spells won't go away. Have double-checked the online health guide and it shouldn't be anything worse than stress, but it makes me tired and cranky and then I get guilt because I don't do what I should do = more stress. Damn you, body

Anyway.

I've finished The Portrait of Dorian Gray. I don't know if the Swedish translation I tried to read years ago was exceptionally bad or if I've just matured as a reader (hah, fat chance) or what, because when I did try to read it some five years ago, it bored me to death. Now I finished it rather quickly and it was an interesting reading experience, the language flowed very smoothly and I wanted to keep reading. I had to keep reading, it's on the book list for school, but it didn't feel like homework at all.

And it had a suitably creepy end, I approve. Look forward to discussing it in class next week

Today it is the 11:th of January 2011. In four days (4!!!) they open the application window for an exchange year in Germany

I have received a certificate of freelance work at the student council (=extra credits), I have gotten a verbal agreement that my studies are ok from the institution and I finally know when everything needs to be sent in *clutches paper*

All that is left is
1) write the actual application - 300 woords, then I need someone to proof it. Any English first-language speakers who'd like to volunteer? Ehe. Or I'll ask some people I know are good here...
2) Get a signed statement that some of my classes from the other university are possibly valid if/when I graduate from here. This is turning out to be a major hassle and I'm not sure it's worth all the work. Otoh, I'm 90% certain that I can use at least 15 ECTS-credits which could easily make or break me getting into my first choice so it's not like I can afford to ignore it.

Oh well.

It's times like these I wish I wasn't an atheist, because if I could influence my application with a lighted candle and half an hour in church, I'd be all over it. Much preferably over running to and fro student councellors and lit. science institution admins who don't ever seem to have met a student in my situation ;P

In further updates, I have a stubborn cold and the roads here are more like ice-skating rinks. Winter in Sweden, how delightful

So I am busy. Quite insanely busy. My AMAZING & BRILLIANT & in general very sparkle-and-cake deserving friends helped me move last Sunday. We hauled boxes upon boxes of books (and coffee cups, oh, do I have too many coffee cups) and they put together my sofa while I went with some other friends to get the second load. And, in general, they were teh awesum. Thank you!!!

( My business, let me tell you about it )

As for reading, there really hasn't been that much time. I bought and read Under Ground Hotel which is now out in English and read that. Whiiich doesn't really take all that long, considering that it's a very explicit yaoi manga. Inspired a lot by the tv-series OZ, apparantly. So plenty of well-drawn and violent prison sex, ahem /fans self

Mostly I've been reading Harry Potter - Finished Half-Blood Prince a while ago and just a few days back, I read The Deathly Hallows. HBP was better than I recalled, but it's really not a book that works well as a movie (or rather, not the types of movies they've decided that the Harry Potter series will be) seeing as most of the interesting bits are discussions, Harry reading in his snarky book and flashbacks.

The Deathly Hallows was good. I was never bothered by all the camping, but I was bothered by how the end feels almost rushed (why did Snape have to die like that? It is TEH POINTLESSNESS) and Draco's story feels very much like a dangling plot-thread. Not so for the other Malfoy's; given how little Harry interacts with Lucius, I feel that the few scenes we see of his - if not quite repentance - but realization of what really matters is handled well.

The "Ginny is Harry's eternal love" story felt even more tacked on when I knew it was coming and still had to squint to see evidence of more than teenage hormones... And Hermione really, really comes into her own in the entire latter half of the series. She's so cool =D

Now class is starting, so enough babble from me. I think I want to re-read the HP books in Swedish and not just admire the pretty, pretty covers. I may be biased, but I really feel that the Swedish Harry Potter editions look the best of all that I've seen.

I have had a very stressful week and it'll probably go on like this to Uppcon more or less. Although now there's not so much for me left to do, but I have to trust other people (and shipping companies) to do what they're supposed to do, and I guess I'm none too good at that. Yeah. But I'll try to relax

Have read some good and some not-so-good manga recently.
I even managed to finish my review of Bunny Drop for work, and I also read and reviewed Hanako and the Terror of Allegory, although that one isn't up yet. Bunny Drop was very good, Hanako. Not so much.

We suddenly had to re-arrange the manga shelves yesterday, because that's when the new shelves were finally installed (with very short notice and they had forgotten to send a part, blah)

Tonight we celebrate Miko-chan's birthday with a big party in Gothenburg. I flew down yesterday. Yes, yes, I know, what a waste of enviroment to fly to Gothenburg. But when it costs me about 200 SEK more (return-trip) and I save something like 4 hours (yes, the rapid train was more expensive than the airplane) then I'll just be an evil sinner.
Anyway, Malmo Aviation were really good, cheap and you got sandwich and tea and everything. Almost like on a real airplane ;)

And now I have finally managed to convert and tag and whatnot all the Jeeves and Wooster music that I wanted to tag, so I'll have a nice relaxing bath and then go fika with Silverstar ^^

I really need to sort out my notes from the Textual Echoes and write something up from it. And do about a million other things... Meanwhile, Paceus @ LJ has written several very interesting things about some of the papers presented.

And I'm reading Jeeves and Wooster fanfic ^_^ I love literary fandoms, especially old ones... they tend to move more slowly, but otoh they last longer and the overall quality is often very good.